Sleep Training (From No Cry to Cry) Series - Part 5

This post will outline the last two sleep training methods, both crying methods. It only makes sense to combine them since one is just a variation of the other. If you are just joining in, you may want to start from the beginning at Part 1 of the Sleep Training series.

I very much doubt most mothers or fathers set out to implement a crying method to help their baby or child sleep. I’m sure all of us try as we might to avoid it. Some of us will succeed and some of us will not. Or, some of us choose between letting our child cry and just allowing him/her to sleep less than needed. I know I don’t need to remind you of the various reasons it is not recommended to simply allow your child to be robbed of sleep simply to avoid some crying. After a baby is over 4 months old, (s)he is capable of soothing himself to sleep on his own. Some people will argue with that and it’s true that all babies are different and some will be able to do it sooner than others. That is why it is up to YOU, who knows your baby best, to decide when the right time is. If your baby / child is suffering from sleep deprivation and you are too, it’s time to do something, even if it means some protest on your baby’s part. They will not like this change, but as you know, there are many things we, as parents, must do even when our child does not like it and even when they don’t understand now that it’s best for them (e.g. running in the street or eating candy before dinner).

The Check-and-Console Method
(aka The Ferber Method or Ferberizing)

This sleep training method entails allowing baby to cry while checking on him/her at intervals. The goal here is to reassure him/her ever so often to a) make sure baby is okay and to reassure yourself and b) reassure him you hear them and are there for them. When you go to check on baby, you are not supposed to pick him/her up nor engage them much, but simply reassure using your voice and a loving pat for 2-3 minutes, tops (watch the clock!). The goal is NOT to help baby to sleep! That is what (s)he is learning to do on his/her own! The idea is that (s)he falls asleep in the same “environment” in which (s)he will awaken periodically throughout the night (we all do!). The knowledge of how to fall asleep unassisted at bedtime will pave the way for him/her to go BACK to sleep throughout the night.

Here is an example of how night 1 might go:

• Bedtime is 6:30 pm (make sure bedtime is sufficiently early and don’t make the mistake of “tiring him out” first. This leads to more crying, not less)
• You do the bedtime routine, as usual, starting at 6pm. At 6:20 p.m. you put baby down DROWSY, BUT AWAKE
• Baby begins to cry immediately and you set the timer for 5 minutes.
• At 6:25 p.m. you go in and reassure him/her.
• If (s)he is still crying, you go back in at 10 minutes and then every 15 minutes until (s)he falls asleep.

Each night, you increase each interval by 5 minutes. If you can’t start with intervals 5, 10, and 15, start with 3, 7, and 10. It doesn’t matter as long as you increase intervals nightly and be CONSISTENT.

Cry It Out (aka CIO or Extinction)

This is basically when you follow the same rules above, only you leave baby completely alone to fall asleep. Some feel this is cruel, however, many feel this leads to less crying, overall, and not cruel since you have already implemented a bedtime routine and (s)he knows what to expect. Again, this will depend on your philosophy as a parent and your baby’s temperament. At night, you do not put a limit to the crying because if you allow him/her to cry for let’s say 30 minutes and then “rescue” him/her, you have all but guaranteed that much crying or more next time and you also don’t want them to learn to cry for a predetermined amount of time. It is imperative that you be 100% consistent and follow through. If you don’t want to let your baby cry, that is 100% OK, just choose another method.

You can use one of these methods or a variation of your own. You can try one and then switch to another after a few days. For some babies, going in there periodically only “teases” them and they get angrier that you won’t rock them or nurse them or do whatever you’ve been doing to “help” them to sleep. I do not have hard-core facts to say how long your baby will cry, on average. All babies are different and temperament and level of strong will definitely plays a part. In my experience in helping other parents, the average seems to be around 30 minutes. Some babies cry 5 minutes and sleep the rest of the night. Others might cry over an hour and wake several times in the night. Unfortunately, there is no way to know what yours will do, but I’m sure up to this point you have a good idea about the personality of your child. Many people are pleasantly surprised by how “little” their baby cries and wonder why they didn’t try sooner. They were prepared for the long haul and (s)he may have “only” cried 20 minutes. Of course, as you know, 20 minutes to a mother or father can be excruciating, especially at 2am.

Crying methods generally take 3-4 nights to see marked improvement, however, it isn’t always a cure-all. Sure, there are some babies you read about who, after 4 nights, sleep through the night forever and ever. And, then there are those who don’t and you have to keep letting them cry it out. Well, the important thing is to consider what your alternative is. If rocking/nursing/etc. to sleep was not working, there is a reason you started down this path and thus, you may just have a challenging sleeper who requires more “work” than others.

Do either of these methods appeal to you?

In part 6, the last part of this sleep training series, I will share my story.

Related Posts

• Will Cry-It-Out Change Your Baby / Child’s Personality?
• Sleep Training (From No Cry to Cry) Series - Part 6
• Cry It Out Defined and Age to Do It