I happened upon an article where a woman (and husband) was against cry-it-out and specifically, The Ferber Method, but ended up doing it anyway, because it was what worked. In that article, Confessions of a Ferberizer, she said that, in the end, her son stopped wanting to be rocked or cuddle. She did not seem to regret doing cry-it-out, I don’t think, but reading the article reminded me that many of us wonder whether doing cry-it-out will change our child’s personality, so I thought I’d reflect on that today.

Will Cry-It-Out Change Your Child’s Personality?

In some ways, it might, and some ways it won’t and of course, all babies are different. And, if your child’s personality changes, it could be for the better. I do stand by the fact that I do not choose one method of sleep training over another. I truly believe that everyone must find what works for their family. For help finding the right solution for your family, check out my sleep training series. What works for your family will take into account your baby’s temperament, your temperament, your philosophy and both of your personalities.

Let’s look at a baby who is sensitive to being overtired and is chronically sleep-deprived because he is waking up every 1-2 hours all night long and only napping in 20 minute stretches. He might be very whiny and clingy all day long because HE IS TIRED! Let’s assume that mom is adamantly against crying methods, but has not yet found a no-cry method that has worked for her and her baby. Now, let’s assume she reluctantly uses The Ferber Method and her son begins to get enough sleep and is well-rested. It’s possible likely that her once fussy and clingy little boy is now happy!! This would be a “personality change” for the better. It is very common for a baby who is sleep deprived and fussy, to start being a very happy baby after he starts getting more rest, regardless of the sleep training method you choose.

So, what about the other way around? You have a baby that actually takes his sleep deprivation in stride and is, overall, a fairly happy baby. He just doesn’t sleep much. I don’t have to remind you that sleep problems can lead to obesity, depression, behavior problems, or that there are a variety of other reasons to get your child enough sleep. What might cry-it-out do to this baby?

Depending on his temperament, it can go one of two ways. The first way is that he is so easy-going that he cries for 5 minutes and sleeps all night like some books want you to believe will happen to your child. I do know that there ARE really babies like this! It isn’t a myth. My eldest son just wasn’t that way, that’s for sure! I don’t think anyone would say that 5 minutes of crying would do harm to any child. After all, you can be in the bathroom for 5 minutes.

The second type of baby does not have such an easy-going temperament and might cry, let’s say an hour at bedtime. Will this baby stop being as happy during the day? True, sometimes there are a few days that babies are clingier during the day after cry-it-out. This is due simply to the change in routine and adjustment to the new way to fall asleep and for the really sleep-deprived, they begin to catch up on their much needed sleep and therefore, are more tired during the day. It generally goes away after just a few days, if it was there at all. So, will an hour of crying make this particular baby damaged for the rest of his life? I guess we all need to decide for ourselves whether this is true, but I personally don’t believe it.

Now, back to the article. When I sleep-trained my eldest son, we did end up using a crying method, in the end, and I never regretted it. I actually did not notice any change in personality whatsoever. Not in a good or bad way. He was always pretty happy, when he wasn’t tired and he wasn’t clingier during the day, either. The only thing I saw was that he became more rested so I guess you can say he was happier for more of the day, since he wasn’t so tired. He never once seemed to “remember” the previous night’s bedtime. In fact, once he became a toddler and could talk and occasionally would have a tantrum right before bed, crying himself to sleep once again, the next morning he was always bright and chipper and never even seemed to remember what happened. And, for his entire first 2 years of life, until we transitioned him into a room with no rocker, we rocked EVERY night. We cuddled EVERY night (and still do!). I nursed him EVERY night until we weaned at 13 months. Nothing changed but the fact he could fall asleep without me and continue to sleep all night. I, of course, am not saying that the woman in the article was making it up. I’m only telling my story to show that all babies are different and it’s possible her baby’s personality didn’t really change. Maybe he never really did like to rock to sleep but didn’t know how else to go to sleep. I don’t know.

As I’ve said many times before, when we were pregnant with our little ones, we didn’t decide one day “You know what. I’m going to let him cry so he can sleep, even if it takes an hour.” before he was even born. No parent wants to do that! But, unfortunately, for some of us, it truly is what works for our child’s temperament and personality. My second son started going to sleep on his own at bedtime without cry-it-out. All babies are indeed different, even within the same family.

Children are very resilient and our relationships with them are very complex. There have been no studies that show cry-it-out has long-lasting effects on our children. There is not ONE thing you can do (or not do) for your child and make THAT be what makes your relationship positive or negative (apart from the purely heinous crimes like child molestation, of course!). There is not ONE thing that will violate his trust in you. If that was the case, the ONE time you didn’t catch him when he was learning to walk and bumped his head would cause him not to trust you anymore. The ONE time you were late changing his diaper and he was cold and crying and you didn’t know would cause harm to him.

It is all the love, affection, and care you give him all day, day-in and day-out, that builds the relationship between mother/father and child. THAT is what is important. Just as your child might cry and scream he can’t put a fork in an outlet or eat a cookie before dinner, he does not really know what is best for himself and he trusts you to do what’s best for him. You are not making him cry, you are letting him cry and it’s an important distinction as he grows into a toddler and young child. Just remember, sleep deprivation is no better for him as it is for you! Just something to think about if the only thing standing in your way to a better night’s rest is your worry that your child’s personality will change.

So, what do you think?

Many parents want to know what a common schedule is for their baby, so I’m going to start posting some sample schedules once in awhile. Today is the average 8 month old schedule.

Sample 8 month old schedule

At this age, if you are not lucky enough to have a baby who sleeps all night, many 8 month olds are still waking 1-2 times to eat at night. Obviously, all babies vary, but here are some rough schedules you can use to make your own for your unique baby.

Breastfeeding

If you breastfeed, here is a what I call a “staggered” approach. My first son did better nursing fully and then having solids a bit in between nursing sessions. He was a little hungry but not famished. He just didn’t do well with stopping nursing mid-way to eat solids.

Goal per day:

• 5-6 nursing sessions per day, on-demand
• 2 Servings baby cereal
• 2 servings fruit
• 2 servings vegetable

7:00 - Wake and breastmilk
8:30 - Breakfast - Cereal mixed with breast milk and fruit
9:00 - Morning Nap (at least 1 hour)
11:00 - Breastmilk
12:30 - Lunch - Crackers / Bread + Veggies
1:00 - Early Afternoon Nap (at least 1 hour)
3:00 - Breastmilk
4:00 - Optional catnap (30-45 minutes, on average)
5:00 - Dinner - Cereal + Veggies
6:30 - Begin bedtime routine
7:00 - Breastmilk and Bedtime (goal to be asleep at this time)
2:00 - First (and possibly only) nighttime feeding - Note: Feeding shouldn’t need to be earlier than 2 or 3 a.m.

If your baby doesn’t mind a more “consolidated” approach to eating, here is another type of schedule:

7:00 - Wake, nurse 1 side, cereal with breastmilk & fruit, and other side
9:00 - Morning Nap (at least 1 hour)
11:00 - Nurse 1 side, lunch Crackers / Bread + Veggies, and other side
1:00 - Early Afternoon Nap (at least 1 hour)
3:00 - Nurse
4:00 - Optional catnap (30-45 minutes, on average)
5:00 - Nurse 1 side, dinner (Cereal + Veggies), then other side
6:30 - Begin bedtime routine
7:00 - Nurse (probably won’t eat much) and Bedtime (goal to be asleep at this time)
2:00 - First (and possibly only) nighttime feeding - Note: Feeding shouldn’t need to be earlier than 2 or 3 a.m.

Formula

Here is a “staggered” approach. Like I said above, my first son did better nursing fully and then having solids a bit in between nursing sessions. He was a little hungry but not famished. He just didn’t do well with stopping nursing mid-way to eat solids.

Goal per day:

• 3-5 6-8 oz bottles per day
• 2 Servings baby cereal
• 2 servings fruit
• 2 servings vegetable

7:00 - Wake and bottle
8:30 - Breakfast - Cereal mixed with formula and fruit
9:00 - Morning Nap (at least 1 hour)
11:00 - Bottle
12:30 - Lunch - Crackers / Bread + Veggies
1:00 - Early Afternoon Nap (at least 1 hour)
3:00 - Bottle
4:00 - Optional catnap (30-45 minutes, on average)
5:00 - Dinner - Cereal + Veggies
6:30 - Begin bedtime routine
7:00 - Bottle and Bedtime (goal to be asleep at this time)
2:00 - First (and possibly only) nighttime feeding - Note: Feeding shouldn’t need to be earlier than 2 or 3 a.m.

If your baby doesn’t mind a more “consolidated” approach to eating, here is another type of schedule:

7:00 - Wake, 1/2 bottle, cereal with formula and fruit, then rest of bottle
9:00 - Morning Nap (at least 1 hour)
11:00 - 1/2 bottle, lunch Crackers / Bread + Veggies, and rest of bottle
1:00 - Early Afternoon Nap (at least 1 hour)
3:00 - Bottle
4:00 - Optional catnap (30-45 minutes, on average)
5:00 - 1/2 bottle, dinner (Cereal + Veggies), rest of bottle
6:30 - Begin bedtime routine
7:00 - Small bottle (probably won’t eat much) and Bedtime (goal to be asleep at this time)
2:00 - First (and possibly only) nighttime feeding - Note: Feeding shouldn’t need to be earlier than 2 or 3 a.m.

If you need help with your baby’s schedule, you may be interested in Help Your Child Sleep, a Detailed Guide, which discusses naps, schedules, and shifting schedules for babies waking too early or going to bed too late (among many other things) or get one-on-one sleep advice.

What is your 8-month old’s schedule?

In this post, I’ll talk about baby sleep pillows. When should you give a pillow to your baby? When can you give a pillow to your baby? What kind of pillow do you give your baby? What type of pillows can help with co-sleeping? What type of pillows can help with nursing?

When can you give your baby a pillow to sleep on?

The NICHHD recommends that you avoid pillows for babies under one year of age. They recommend never to place baby on a pillow to sleep or add pillows to the crib, either. This is to reduce the risk of SIDS. Here are other ways to reduce the risk of SIDS.

When should you give your baby a pillow to sleep?

There is no rule about needing to give your baby a pillow to sleep on. Yes, it’s more comfortable for us, adults, to sleep on a pillow. After all, it is one of our sleep associations. And, because we are bigger, a proper pillow supports our neck in such a way that our bodies can fully relax at night. Buy the wrong pillow and you can wake up with a cramped neck.

But, children are smaller and the wrong pillow when they are too young can be a bad idea. Not only can it increase the SIDS risk as I mentioned above, but baby can roll off if it doesn’t have side support. If baby is old enough to move around and the pillow is too large, the pillow might move on top of baby, making it dangerous for him. In addition, if your baby is pulling up, he can use the pillow as a launchpad out of the crib. No one wants that! He might be climbing out soon enough on his own. No need to give him props.

Therefore, I recommend avoiding a pillow for your baby until she is well into being a toddler over 2 years old. And, if she is content not to use a pillow at all, don’t even worry about it. My eldest son didn’t care to sleep on a pillow until he was close to 2 1/2 and then we gave him a very flat pillow.

What kind of pillow can you give your baby for sleep?

If you are going to give your baby or toddler a pillow to sleep on, make sure it’s small and flat such that it will be better for her neck support. They make small pillows just for babies. Here are just a few:

• For babies who need to be at an incline (e.g. those with reflux), you can try this wedge pillow. It safely keeps baby at an incline.
• For help positioning younger babies on their back (also guards against SIDS), I used the Close & Secure Sleeper, but for something more inexpensive, you can try a Head-N-Back Sleep Positioner. These positioners also help with co-sleeping.
• You can buy toddler pillows like Mr. Bobbles’ Blankets pillows or sets that come with a pillow. They also have these cool travel neck pillows, now.

Baby Nursing Pillows

Using a pillow while nursing is a life-saver! It saves your wrist with support and makes it so much easier in those early days. When baby is older and can support his own head, it helps to have your hands free, especially if you have a toddler. I used to read to one and nurse the other.

I used a Boppy for both of my children, but I saw this Leachco Cuddle-U Nursing Pillow and thought it looked really cool and the reviews were really good! I have also heard good things about the My Brest Friend Pillow.

When did you start using a baby sleep pillow? Which one?

I am pleased to announce that I have a new FREE guide available on my website titled Nick’s Brain, Picked! Five Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night.

This guide is an e-Book detailing the five primary ways you can help your child sleep all night. To get your free guide, simply fill in your name and e-mail address and push the button.

Last week I posted my newborn sleep tips. Today I’ll talk about getting your baby to nap. I am specifically talking about babies older than newborns (i.e. 3+ months old).

A nap is considered to be restorative if the baby is still (i.e. not moving like in a swing or car or stroller) and the nap is one hour or more. I specifically want to mention this because it widely varies what people believe to be a “normal” or “good” nap. Some think babies should sleep 3 hours each time and others seem to think 30 minutes is enough.

It is normal for babies younger than 6 months old to take 3-4 short 30-45 minute catnaps. Around 6 months, they should begin to lengthen to 2-3 longer naps. The 3rd nap is almost always just 30-45 minutes, just to help them get to bedtime. However, some babies don’t have this nap at all and only have 2 longer naps. The average amount of napping is 2-3 hours each day.

With babies younger than 9 months old, short naps are almost always due to too much wake-time between naps. When a baby is overtired, he will have trouble settling down enough to nap well and make it past that first sleep transition around the 30-45 minute mark. You might notice if you’re holding your baby during naps, he stirs around this time but being in your arms, he re-settles and sleeps a lot longer. It might frustrate you that when he’s not in your arms and in the crib, instead, that he will just wake up. This is a common complaint. If your baby is short-napping you, try to decrease the wake-time between naps. This wake-time should ideally be just 1-2 hours, tops when baby is under 6 months old and 2-3 hours, after. When she isn’t overtired, she is better able to transition to the next sleep phase.

When a baby is over 9 months old, short naps can either be due to too much wake time or too little. Confusing, huh? If a baby is very sensitive to becoming overtired (i.e. gets very cranky, quickly), I would suggest decreasing wake-time. If a baby seems sleepy, but is overall in okay spirits, try increasing wake-time, first. This will take some trial and error to see which works best. Whatever you try, do it for at least 3-4 days to a week to determine whether it’s working. You may need to go in the other direction or need better fine-tuning and I’d need to know your specific situation (these are just general guidelines, of course). Average wake-time in this age group is 2-3 hours until he transitions to just one midday nap (this usually happens around 15-18 months old and can be a doozy!).

Also, around 6 months of age (some are ready by 5 months and some won’t be ready until 7+ like my first-born), you should nap baby more on a schedule. You should always use your baby as a guide, first and foremost, but in general, a schedule works wonders for babies who are having trouble napping (particularly when the problem is short-napping in an older baby). We all have internal clocks and if you get your baby used to sleeping at the same time every day, this will make it easier for her to nap. Remember, our bodies release hormones to fight fatigue, so if she is napping at different times every day, her body will be fighting fatigue and make it even harder for her to nap when you want her to.

Finally, a nice 10 minute nap routine will cue him that a nap is coming up. Change his diaper, read a short book or two, cuddle for a few minutes, and put him down for a nap. If you stay consistent, it will become crystal clear to him what’s coming up and prepare his body for relaxation and a good nap.

If none of these things seem to help and your baby is either continuing to fight his nap or takes short naps, you might need to encourage him to nap more. You may want to look at sleep training him for naps. Remember sleep training is not cry-it-out! And, you may be interested in reading my Sleep Training (from No Cry to Cry) Series.

If you are still having trouble getting your baby to nap, you may need one-on-one sleep advice for your unique situation.

Disclaimer: Before I get to the 10 tips to help your newborn sleep, I thought I should note that it can be dangerous for a new newborn baby (just a few weeks old) to sleep all night. They really do need to eat at least every 3 hours in those early days so they can grow well and thrive.

It is also safest to place baby on his back to sleep, to guard against SIDS. You may be interested in other ways to lower SIDS risks.

There, now that I got that out of the way.

Newborn Sleep Tips Start Here

1. Short Wake-time

The first week or so, your newborn baby will most likely hardly be awake, but after the first week or two, the #1 key with your newborn is to keep wake times very short, at first. You should soothe your baby for sleep after just 1-2 hours of wake time TOPS. You should look for signs that she is getting sleepy and start soothing her. If you wait until she is fussy, cranky or crying, you are actually too late!

An overtired baby will have more trouble settling down and going to sleep and staying asleep. My boys always fell asleep easiest when I caught them before they started to fuss and cry. Some babies are much more sensitive to being overtired than others, so while others will barely notice their child get sleepy before she drifts off to sleep, others will begin to realize just how in tune with their baby they need to be!

By wake time, I mean to include feedings and diaper changes and disregard how long her last nap was. For example, little Suzie starts to nap at 8am and sleeps for 3 hours. She eats at 11am and you change her diaper. Now, it’s 11:30 and you decide to give her a bath. At 11:45, she is fussy. She is already overtired and she needs a nap! In the beginning, they can’t go long before getting tired and overstimulated.

2. Swaddle

To help mimic the feeling of the womb, it helps to swaddle your newborn baby. This basically means to wrap him up in a blanket like a little burrito. You may have seen them do it at the hospital. This helps him feel safe and secure and also helps him stay asleep during any moro reflex or startle reflex moments. It is said that those reflexes are similar to how we have the feeling we are falling while falling asleep. It can take up to 4 or 5 months for your baby to stop the startling.

I recommend The Miracle Blanket for swaddling. It is a little pricey, but so easy to use and so hard for your baby to break out of! So worth it, to me! If you can’t or don’t want to spend that much, try this SwaddleMe Wrap

3. Days bright / Nights dark

Although you might be tempted to keep things quiet and darker for your newborn to nap well, it might prolong the day/night confusion that almost all newborns will have. Day/Night confusion can last up to 6 weeks. When she was in mom’s belly, mom’s movements lulled her to sleep and when mom was resting, she’d have a party. When she comes out, she doesn’t know she should act in the complete opposite fashion.

So, keep days bright and upbeat and nights, dark and boring, and it will help your newborn sort out her days and nights faster. This might be more than you want to know, but light is what cues our eyes to tell us to stay awake or whether it’s time to sleep.

4. Limit naps

If he is taking longer to sort out days and nights (or you are having a very rough time keeping up with him being up all night), you can further speed up the process by limiting naps to no longer than 3 hours during the day.

5. Post-feeding routine

To help your newborn baby sort out day and night sleeping even more, you may want to develop a play routine after she eats during the day. Keep her awake 30 minutes after feeding by playing, singing, bathing, etc. Again, the light stimulating her eyes will help her sort out that daylight is for being awake at least a little bit. Many people recommend the eat-play-sleep routine for newborns. This is the primary message of the popular book, On Becoming Baby Wise. You might want to review my explanation as to why I do not recommend this book, though.

6. Co-sleeping

Sometimes it helps to have your newborn in the room with you for quick access for middle-of-the-night feedings and diaper changes. This also can help give him more comfort being close by as he will be able to hear and smell you. For safety reasons, you should use a Co-Sleeper , sleep positioner, or bassinette, rather than have baby in bed with you. I used the second one with my second son and then I moved it into his crib for a seamless transition to his crib. We were able to remove it a few weeks later.

7. Angle the mattress

For babies who spit up a lot or have reflux, it helps to angle the mattress when he sleeps, so baby is not flat on his back. You’ll want to angle the mattress so his feet are lower than his head, so his stomach contents can stay put. To angle the mattress, you can simply change the support platform level on one side on most cribs. If that is not feasible, you can put blankets and pillow under the mattress. Please note that the mattress should still remain flat at all times, just at an incline. You must make sure that you do not tilt the mattress so much that your baby slides down the bed, either. I strongly recommend that you first check with a knowledgeable health care provider to make sure that what you do is best and safest for your child. I only wanted to highlight the idea.

8. White Noise

White noise is made up of the sounds like a fan whirring, vacuum cleaner, hair-dryer, etc. It helps a newborn sleep because inside mom’s womb was all white noise. The sound of her blood flow, heart beating, etc. That’s why he finds comfort when you may run the vacuum cleaner. My son used to love when I turned on the blow-dryer. Of course, you can’t run the vacuum all day, so I recommend getting a White Noise machine, sound machine or a White Noise CD. I have two of the second one in each boy’s room so they don’t wake each other and they work like a dream!

9. Wear baby

For particularly fussy babies or just for parent’s convenience and snuggling, it helps to “wear” baby using a sling. They get very folded up in a sling, but again, it mimics the womb and babies love it! I didn’t use a sling with my first, but used a BabyBjörn Baby Carrier and loved it! It really helped me walk off the baby weight, which was a bonus. But, with my second, I did use this sling (there are many others!) and my son would fall asleep in less than 5 minutes until he grew out of it. This helped tremendously when I needed to cook dinner and do stuff with my toddler, at the time. I have also heard good things about the Moby Wrap and the Maya Wrap.

Here are ten reasons to wear your baby.

10. Swing

As I said earlier, mom’s movements lulled baby to sleep while in the womb, so I also recommend trying a swing, but don’t be surprised if your newborn only likes it at high speeds. Our family teased us we were making our first son “drunk”, but he just loved it going FAST and it was the only way he’d fall asleep in it! We used something like this swingto help him sleep (I don’t see the exact one I used anymore — guess I’m officially old now). My friend has the Fisher-Price Ocean Wonders Aquarium Cradle Swing and loves it. They didn’t have that when I was shopping for one!

Important Note: It is not recommended to allow a newborn to sleep in a carseat.

Unfortunately, some of these tips do create sleep associations, but during the first weeks, you really do what you can to survive. Obviously, it never hurts to try to put your baby down to sleep without any of these “tricks”, but as I’ve probably said a billion times already on this site, it just doesn’t work for all of us.

For more product and site recommendations, please view my sleep resources page.

For additional information on helping your child sleep, you may be interested in our free guide, 5 Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night or our e-Book, Help Your Child Sleep, a Detailed Guide.

Do you have any tips to help newborns sleep?

Many new parents want to know when their newborn will sleep on a schedule or what the baby’s sleep pattern will be. This post will outline the average newborn’s schedule and sleep patterns.

Newborn Day / Night Confusion

When your son or daughter was in mom’s womb, mom’s movements lulled baby to sleep and when mom rested, you may have noticed he or she perked up. Once she is born, she does not automatically know she is supposed to do precisely the opposite! It takes a few days to several weeks for this to be sorted out, but it will get sorted out. Of course, this is tiring for us, parents!

Newborn Sleep Patterns

When your baby is first born, he will sleep more than be awake. They sleep about 16 hours per day and wake time includes any feedings. As the weeks go by, they will be able to stay up longer, but still sleep 14-16 hours in a 24-hour period by one month of age. By 3 months old, the average amount of sleep in 24 hours is still 14 hours.

A newborn will also cry 1-2 hours per day (in total, not all at once, usually). This is normal. It is the only way she can communicate to tell us whether they are hungry, tired, uncomfortable, wet, etc. Unfortunately, some babies will develop colic (bouts of intense crying that’s difficult to soothe and the causes unknown) when they are just a few weeks old. The crying might last hours per day and colic usually ends around the 3-4 month mark, hopefully not longer.

Newborn Sleep Schedules

Depending on your baby’s sensitivity level to being overtired, a schedule may not form until after he is 6 months old or longer. My first son, who is the primary reason this site even exists, did not get “good” at a schedule until 7 1/2 months because he just could NOT stay up long enough without becoming so cranky.

Many parents desire a schedule much sooner, but if your baby is sensitive to overtiredness, you will only sabotage your own efforts because he will get overtired and fight sleep more, not less. This is one of the most misunderstood facts of a baby’s sleep needs, in my experience. Many people might tell you to keep your baby up such that he will sleep more at night and other advice like that (I heard a lot of it when my son was such a challenging sleeper!). Unfortunately, this will only lead to more and more sleep deprivation that will make him fight sleep more and thus lose more and more sleep until he’s one big overtired cranky mess. If that is what has brought you to this site today, try to keep wake times short and become in tune with when baby needs to sleep just as much as you are in tune with when he needs to eat and some of your problems may be resolved as simply as that.

Consistency

For some babies, they may be consistent from the very beginning while others remain inconsistent the rest of their lives. Depending on your personality, this can be very frustrating. If you get frustrated by your baby’s inconsistency, take a look within and ask yourself these questions:

• Do I go to bed at the same exact time every night?
• Do I wake up at the same time every morning?
• Do I wake up to go to the bathroom at night at the same time?
• Do I get hungry and eat meals at the same exact time every day?

If you answered no to any of those questions, you are likely realizing that your baby isn’t much different than maybe you are! If you answered yes to all of them and your baby does not follow suit, ask your partner or make sure you brought the right baby home. Kidding! I have no scientific basis for thinking this is a hereditary, just a hunch.

My first son was and still is highly inconsistent. Although I am too, it’s still hard to parent sometimes, especially given my “planning” personality. I used to log and log and log looking for patterns and all I found was that he had none. It took a long time, but I finally had to let it go and realize the only thing consistent about him would be that each day would be different. And, it was. Looking at myself and my own patterns helped me take the pressure off him to be the same every day. Regardless if your baby is consistent or not, the same sleep patterns generally emerge from all newborns.

Next, I will post 10 tips for helping your newborn sleep.

Today’s sleep tip is brought to you by Parent Hacks, a useful site with all kinds of parent tips.

When you are breastfeeding, it’s easy to forget which breast is next in the middle of the night. Most of us know about the safety pin idea, but that could hurt in the middle of the night. Here are some other things you can do to remind yourself which breast is next:

• Lie baby down facing the direction she last nursed, so next feeding you can switch sides.
• Put a hair band around the wrist of the side you last nursed.
• If you wear a ring besides a wedding band, switch the ring to the side you last nursed.

I usually just feel which side is fuller, but sometimes that is hard to tell.

Do you have any middle-of-the-night breastfeeding tips?

If you are just joining us, you should start at Part 1 of my sleep training series.

In this final part of the series, I am going to share my story. I’m doing this for a couple of reasons. First, I want you to get to know me and my story, so I’m not just some name on the internet claiming to have gone through something similar to what you might be going through. I want you to know you aren’t alone. Sure, I suppose, I could be making up my story, but believe me I wish I were, but I’m not. LOL Second, I want to tell you my story because it shows that “experts” don’t have all the answers. You know your baby best! And, away we go!

Sleep Training My First Son

Donovan (in photo above), my eldest son, is a spirited child. He was high-needs basically from the beginning. He needed a LOT of soothing, whether it was me nursing, rocking, or holding him or my husband rocking him or walking him around (and he never took a pacifier - we must have tried 20 of them!). But, thankfully, he was not colicky. He didn’t cry a lot unless he was tired and we weren’t walking, rocking, nursing, etc. He was and still is very sensitive to becoming overtired. I/we had to watch him like a hawk to see if it was time to sleep again. Once he was overtired, it was much harder to get him to sleep.

Around 6 weeks old it was taking me upwards of 2-3 hours to put him to bed at night. I am NOT exaggerating. I would rock him and put him down ever so gently and he’d wake right up and I’d start alllll over! It was so exhausting. After I’d finally get him down, I’d start all over 1-2 hours later when he woke up again. Of course, now I know about sleep associations and why he was doing that. At 8 weeks old, I went back to work and simply could not keep up, so we started co-sleeping, something I never planned to do. I knew it worked for other people, but just wasn’t what I planned or wanted. But, it got us both more sleep…sorta. Since he had to nurse every 1-2 hours, he had to sleep with me and I was so fearful of rolling on him or my husband covering him with covers that I really didn’t sleep well, not to mention it wasn’t always so easy for me to go back to sleep after he nursed (and I never got good at nursing on the other side without physically switching sides! LOL). Anyway, it was better than what I was doing before, though.

Fast forward 8 weeks and he was 4 months old. I was getting depressed going to bed every night at 7pm and never seeing my husband that I had to do something to transition him back to his crib, where he originally started.

I needed to formulate a plan, but I didn’t just want to put him in a room to cry when I had been sleeping with him every night. I didn’t think that was fair. So, first I used the method I described in Part 2 of this sleep training series. The first night, it took TWO LONG HOURS and was very frustrating for both of us. He surprisingly didn’t cry too much, either. He took to sucking on my sheet to soothe himself. The next night it took another TWO LONG HOURS. Ugh. But, by night 3 he did it in just 20 minutes and then the 4th night in the crib with NO CRYING! I was ecstatic!!

But…a week later he decided he didn’t like this arrangement. He had a revolt. LOL I had given him a light receiving blanket that I slept on to suck on, but by the end of the week I guess it just wasn’t enough. So, at that point, my husband and I decided to let him cry-it-out. At this point we knew he could do it and we decided he was protesting the change (like he’s done for other things for years now LOL). It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. No mother plans on letting their baby cry to learn how to sleep. I made myself a mantra to get through it and reminded myself why I was doing it. Like I said, he’s spirited, so he didn’t cry just 5 minutes and then sleep through the night like some books want to make it seem! But, we got through it in just 4 nights and on the 5th he went to sleep with NO CRYING.

I only focused on bedtime, at this point, and promptly responded to all other wakings. Thankfully, after he learned to fall asleep AT bedtime, he could go BACK to sleep throughout the night during sleep transitions. He still woke to eat twice until he was 7 1/2 months old and then he only woke once until I tried to night-wean at 8 1/2 months. Even though the “experts” will tell you babies don’t need to eat at night after a certain age/weight/whatever, he continued to wake in the 5 o’clock hour 3-4 times per week for a feeding. I tried to extend him, but decided it was just best for both of us to continue to nurse and put him back down for 1-2 hours up until he was a little over a year old when he stopped waking on his own. But, even then it was difficult for him to go 12 hours without food and he’d want breakfast immediately upon waking. All babies are different in this regard. Heck, I know some adults would have trouble with going 12 hours without food! :p

Alas, sleep training was not a cure-all for us but it did make things 10 times better. We had many many ups and downs after that. He would slip back into bad habits and all of a sudden I’d find myself rocking him for an hour again. I don’t know how it would happen, but I suppose it was during a teething episode, illness, etc. and things would just start to unravel again and we’d have to let him cry-it-out again. Some might say that this means cry-it-out didn’t work, but I don’t regret my decision one bit…EVER. It *was* our only option. We had tried everything else and it would land us in a big abyss of not-enough-sleep-for-any-of-us and when he didn’t get enough sleep, he was a BEAR! It wasn’t good for him. It wasn’t worth it for me to rock him for an hour to avoid 10 minutes of crying. That was robbing him of 50 more minutes of sleep and believe me, he needed it.

Nowadays, sleep is still ever important in this house for him. He is still a bear if he doesn’t get enough sleep only now he whines more, cries more, and has more tantrums. I *know* that as he goes through life and goes to school, it will be IMPERATIVE that my husband and I get him adequate sleep or he will be one of the kids with behavior problems. I think many parents probably struggle with this and not realize their child simply needs more sleep. I can imagine that if you haven’t really been able to tune into the relationship between sleep and behavior, you might miss it. I know the fact he is spirited makes a big difference.

Of course, I need to mention that my sweet son is just that, too. He is much more challenging without enough sleep, but boy is he one of the brightest lights of my life! He is so smart (I’m not exaggerating LOL) and such a sweetheart giving me kisses and telling me he loves me and kissing his little brother and…I could go on and on. At one point he knew over 30 signs for communicating before he could talk, he could point to over 30 U.S. states when he was just over a year old, knew his ABC’s before he was 2, and so on. Allowing him to cry-it-out in no way damaged him or his self-esteem. He is still ever so strong-willed and negotiates EVERYTHING (I swear he will be a lawyer!). He still trusts us and loves us to pieces.

Sleep Training My Second Son

Nicholas (photo to the right) is my 2nd son and now just 4 months old. Completely different than Donovan. We haven’t had to do much with him and he has started to sleep well. You might think it’s because I know more this time. I disagree. I have not done things THAT much different with Nicholas. Because I seem to birth screamers (not fussers), when he came home from the hospital I had to hold him all night for at least 2-3 weeks. I sat upright on the couch while he laid on the boppy . He just couldn’t be set down much at all. Then, I just HAD to get off the couch, so what did I do? You guessed it. We started co-sleeping, only this time I bought a The First Years Close and Secure Sleeper. That lasted just 3 nights because he was such a loud sleeper and even when he wasn’t awake, I’d reach over and pat his back probably waking him up. So, I decided to try to put the sleeper in the crib with him and voila! He’s been in there ever since (we removed the sleeper about 2 weeks later or so).

For awhile, we still rocked him to sleep (and still do for naps, for now), but then we slowly stopped that and started letting him fall asleep on the boppy on our lap in the rocker and then eventually was able to just put him in the crib and he sucks on…yep…a light receiving blanket. Naps might be a different story, but overall, he’s simply learned how to soothe himself much easier than Donovan did. I really don’t take credit. He’s just different (and not as sensitive to over-tiredness). Pure and simple. And, that’s why those with “easy” babies won’t ever understand how someone like me could allow my son to cry or how some people would find it strange to even have a whole website dedicated to sleep for babies. It’s simply not easy for all babies!

I hope sharing my story has given others either a) hope that they can also have a good sleeper, b) strength to make a change, c) comfort they are not alone, or d) all of the above. There really isn’t just one way to help your child sleep better. There really isn’t a “right” method for all of us. We all must find what works for our personalities and for our children’s temperament. I hope you can find information on this website to do just that.

What’s Your Sleep Training Story?

If you haven’t bought anything for Father’s Day yet, you may be able to win something free! I thought I’d post some links for some free giveaways I’ve seen around the web. I was not ahead of the game enough this year to do one of my own, but still would like my readers to be able to win something. Maybe next year I will host one for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day! Remember, though, the best Father’s Day gift is sleep!.

Father’s Day Giveaways still in play

Mommy Daddy Blog - Jr. High Sweethearts Chronicle Their Adventure Through Parenthood are new parents since April and have a great blog with their reflections as they go through it. I think many of us can relate to them…except for the Jr. High sweetheart part which is just so awesome!

Win a Dyson! (Valued at $499) at An Ordinary Life. It’s a blog in which she talks about her journey through life as a Mom, and college student. Talk about multi-tasking!

My Mom Shops is giving away a Little Tykes Fold-Away Climber. Deadline is June 10th.

Dr. Moz is having a give away worth over $160 with some cool stuff in a gift pack!

Great Father’s Day gift ideas:

My Mom Shops will be posting ideas for the next few days. This site has some great shopping ideas for any day!

Amazon always has great gift ideas and if you are an Amazon Prime member, you get FREE 2-day shipping all year! It’s great! For the high-tech and green dads out there, check out Kindle: Amazon’s New Wireless Reading Device. It looks very interesting and you won’t use up paper reading your favorite books.

AskMen.com has a top 10 Father’s Day gift list, too.

I hope you find the perfect gift you’re looking for! One week to go!